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I’m back for this year’s Christmas Spesh of the Great British Sewing Bee! Nowt much has changed; I’m still giving my two penneth’s worth, the only difference is I’m jingling all the way while doing it.

Disclaimer: I HATE celebrity Christmas specials of programmes with a vengeance, the Sewing Bee included. I hate it when contestants don’t take things seriously and don’t really try and I don’t agree with the notion of “it’s just a bit of fun”. NO! It isn’t! If you’re entering a competition, enter it to win, not mess about!!! 😂

The only reason I was drawn into this one was because Johannes from Strictly was on it. I love Johannes. I think he’s actually the nicest man in the world and I think we could be best friends. The other three contestants were Penny “I’m married to Rod Stewart so must mention him at every given opportunity” Lancaster, Sonia from Eastenders and Rosie Ramsey, who some people find entertaining. I am not one of those people.

Patrick and Esme were back in full force, along with that Sara Pascoe woman. Patrick’s hair seems to have taken on a life of its own since the last series finished, to the point that it half looked like he was wearing a toupee.

Anyway, onto the Pattern Making challenge, which was an apron. Now, another beef I have with these celebrity versions of programmes is that celebrities seem to have very little skill, other than for being celebrities. At least on the celebrity Bake Off, chances are they’ve made a bun at some point in their lives. Sewing, however, is a very different kettle of fish. Johannes said he had some experience in repairing clothes (which is the dullest form of sewing in the world and I don’t know why you would choose for this to be your only sewing experience!!!) but the others happily admitted to not even knowing how to sew on a button. Brilliant.

During this first challenge, we discovered the Strictly partnership we never knew we needed when Johannes and Patrick danced a turn around the haberdashery. He was very light on his feet was our Patrick, as opposed to Esme who astonishingly had the finesse of a herd of stampeding elephant. Don’t worry, Esme, I can sympathise.

The results of this challenge weren’t much cop, but there was no way the non-sewers did what they did without any external help. Regardless, Patrick still struggled to find anything decent about the aprons, other than Johannes’ of course, because he rules the world and also made the best apron.

As always, the Transformation Challenge was next and they couldn’t resist it, could they? They had to wheel on a chuffing kid! Regular readers will know my aversion to children and Christmas provides no exception. The challenge was to make a Christmas outfit for a kid using old kid clothes. It was nice to see Sonia from Eastenders channeling the spirit of The Mother as she headed straight for the browns to make a Christmas pudding type effort. Let’s refresh our memories of the outfit The Mother made me as a kid, shall we, obviously made to match the decor of the dining room. Or maybe I was meant to be a Christmas pudding also.

Stick a sprig of holly on my head and I would have won that challenge, hands down.

Penny, the woman who has never sewn a stitch, gathered net like her life depended on it to make a Christmas bauble. Of course she did. What else would a beginner sewer do?! She later beat herself up for using glue to adorn the outfit with embellishments. Don’t you worry yourself, love, Damien got through to the quarter finals using a sharpie as one of his fave sewing tools. 😉

Johannes’ outfit was a bit strange. I thought it was meant to be a candy cane but Esme correctly guessed that it was that popular Christmas outfit – a barber’s pole.

Finally, the Made to Measure Challenge – to make a New Year’s Eve fancy dress costume inspired by a pop star.

Luckily, the Sewing Fairy had paid a visit to the haberdashery overnight to cut out everyone’s pattern pieces. If only we could all have one of those!

Penny “never sewn a button” made a Madonna inspired lurex jacket and gathered skirt. 😮 WTAF?! I’ve never seen those two items feature in a beginner’s sewing course, have you?!

Johannes chose to make a Harry Styles style stretch jumpsuit and Rosie a fringed, zipped Dolly Parton dress.

Sonia from Eastenders who has also “never sewn a button” chose to make a Liam Gallagher inspired parka, appliquéd and lined, because a hooded coat just wasn’t enough. She then banged on about how many times she’s met the big man, so she loses for being cocky because the only story I want to hear about anyone meeting Liam Gallagher should involve me and I am yet to do so. *sob*. In one of her many, many, many 🙄 anecdotes, Sonia did say that she thinks Liam watches the Sewing Bee. Now, where did I put that application form…?!! 😉

There is no way anyone made any of these outfits! It would have taken someone with years of experience to make something even half decent for any of these!!

During the judging, Esme carried on the delusion that they had in fact all sewn their outfits having never sewn a stitch before. “It’s amazing”! She proclaimed. Hmmm… never knew “amazing” was a synonym for bullsh*t.

Johannes won Garment of the Week with his jumpsuit, which wasn’t surprising. Johannes would have won regardless, just because he’s Johannes.

If you haven’t seen this yet and I’ve put you off, please PLEASE watch the last two minutes of this programme. You will think you’re having a strange dream, but it is terrifically horrifying!

I’ll see you next time, for the start of the next series of the Sewing Bee!

Yes, it’s happened. After much stalking and investigative work, we have managed to find Damien from the Sewing Bee! Not only that, he actually came to the shop to visit us! (Of his own free will, I might add. There was no need for a hood and a tranquiliser dart.)

The journey of discovery started when a lovely lady who had read one of my Sewing Bee blog posts sent me a message to say she had an inroad to Damien through a relative and would I like her to get in touch with him. ERM, YES PLEASE, MISSUS!!!! I therefore composed a very embarrassing email for her to forward onto him, he then gave us a ring a couple of months ago (using an “unknown” number – he’s not daft!) and then on Friday he just turned up out of the blue!

Now, don’t be under the illusion we rolled out the red carpet. No, no, no, that’s just not the Fabricate way. He unfortunately arrived at the same time as the postie, and because it had been a particularly busy day in the shop, Sam and I were late bagging up the parcels, so we were running around trying to get everything done. To say Damien received less than a warm welcome was an understatement. As he was masked up, I firstly thought he was a Sales Rep and actually wished he would go away as it had been such as busy day. Then, because Sam seemed to greet him as if she’d known him for years (she’s one of those sociable people), I then assumed he was one of Sam’s friends! It was only when he mentioned cashing in the offer of a free brew did I realise who it was, and this was only because I don’t offer brews out willy nilly, so it did narrow it down somewhat.

Once I had determined who he was, we all had a nice chat about his time on the Sewing Bee, he slagged off all the other contestants (JOKE – THAT IS A JOKE!!!!!!), had a brew and a biccie (miraculously, we managed to find a packet that was still in date) and he went on his merry way. Without buying anything, I might add, but hey ho, that’s besides the point. (At least we only gave him instant coffee; I’d have felt aggrieved if we’d have powered up the Nespresso machine.)

Unfortunately I had to get a photo, just to prove to you that this actually happened. For a normal person, this wouldn’t have been a big deal, however I am the most unphotogenic person in the world and have hardly ever been able to take a good photo on the fly. No word of a lie, if you see a posed photo of me in a blog post or on social media, chances are it’s taken about 30 minutes to get right. But here we are. There’s unfortunate placement of the “No Squirty, No Touchy” sign, which looks even more random since Sam took away the hand sanitiser so it didn’t get in the way!!!!!

Thanks for bobbing over, Damien, and if you buy summat next time, we’ll upgrade you to a Nespresso.

And now, the end is near, and so we face, the final…fro-ock! 

Yes folks, we’ve all made it. I’ve managed to find some kind of ridiculousness in each and every episode of this series of The Bee and you have persevered and read my recaps each week. We all deserve a medal!

The final three, Rebecca, Raph & Serena, were all worthy finalists in my eyes as apart from a few blips, I think they’ve been the most consistent throughout the series.

Videos were shown of interviews with each contestant’s family and a bit about their background. You have to give the guy credit for firmly sticking with his story that he’d never made a dress before the Sewing Bee, but come on Raph, none of us came down in the last shower! I was hoping for some kind of Scooby Doo reveal at the end of the episode which said he’d actually been the head garment developer at Ralph Lauren for the past five years and he’d fooled us all, but alas, it never happened.

How the chuffing Nora does Serena fit everything in?! How on earth does she have time to do all her medical studenting AND sew as much as she does?! Maybe she’s one of these strange people who doesn’t watch TV. Perhaps if I didn’t watch the soaps, I’d be a lot more productive too. (Lesson learned.)

Rebecca said that she was looking forward to going back to work at Morrison’s, and why wouldn’t she? Their salad bar and cooked chickens are immense and I have it on good authority you get a rather nice staff discount!

The final Pattern Making challenge involved making a child’s bridesmaid dress. I think Rebecca slipped up in this as she chose to make hers using a duchess satin, which she had also used in a previous challenge. I felt she played this a bit safe, whereas Serena and Raph went all-in and chose silks. At one stage, Rebecca looked to have pulled a blinder as she seemed to be steaming ahead, whereas both Serena’s and Raph’s dresses were looking a bit dodge, but in the end Serena prevailed again.

The final Transformation Challenge (thank the Lord!!) required the sewers to make festival outfits using household items. 😑 When exactly was it that people started dressing so outlandishly for festivals?! During my V festival days in the late ’90s, my outfit was a pair of cargo pants, vest top or Oasis t-shirt and my trusty Adidas Gazelles. Nowadays, if you’re not covered head-to-toe in sequins to go along with your Daisy Dukes and Hunter wellies, then I imagine you’re a bit of an outcast! Anyhoo, I digress. I have very little to say about this challenge. I’ve struggled throughout the series to muster up any enthusiasm for this challenge and I’m certainly not going to start singing its praises now. Raph won, it was very nice. Moving on…!

The final Made to Measure saw the sewers be able to use friends or relatives as their models and as the sewers had been locked up in their COVID-free bubble for a fair few weeks, they all got a bit emosh, apart from Serena’s model, who amusingly showed zero reaction when Serena burst into tears! Good lass; a woman after my own heart!!  😂😂

I liked how they all seemed to choose models who looked like they were around the same size for the bust, waist and hip. I don’t think I’d ever be anyone’s first choice as a model for that challenge; you don’t want to be chancing it with someone who’s one size for the bust, two sizes bigger in the waist then back down to a size smaller in the hip for the final, do you?!! Plus I would probably trip up on the catwalk.

I know a lot of people didn’t like it, but I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED Serena’s yellow dress! It looked so simple, but then hidden away was all that lovely detail in the gathering and boning – amazing!

Raph’s was a bit of a let down for me; I was excited at the concept, but I don’t think he pulled it off, unfortunately. I think the dress would have looked more dramatic if the overskirt was quite a bit longer than the mini dress that it was attached to and trailed behind. But hey, I don’t work for Ralph Lauren so what do I know?! 😉

Rebecca’s was a lovely dress and very well made, but I don’t think the fabric was special enough for it. I think if you’re going to make a dress with a train, the fabric has to have some pizazz – some kind of sparkle or umph or something. Although it was a nice fabric she used, it just looked like a fabric you would use to make a nice “going out frock”.

In the end, Serena deservedly took the win and I’m not ashamed to say, but this stone-hearted lady shed a tear at the end! It was such a good series with a great mix of people. I was very interested to see that Damo has a dog called Buster and now I’m wondering if I can tempt him over here with my puppies? (Actual Pug puppies people, nothing else, don’t be rude!!!!! 😉)

Thanks very much for reading over these past 10 weeks. I still have some leads to follow in my quest to locate Damo for a shop visit, so if I hear owt, you’ll be the first to know!

Catch ya later and keeeeeep sewing!

P x 

Where has all the humour gone?! I’ll tell you where, shall I, it’s installing some IT stuff somewhere over in Bolton! I mean, Joe does his best, but he’s no Damo is he?! That Northern wit was sadly lacking this week. Anyway, the time for mourning has passed and we’ll just have to crack on as best we can for the final two episodes!

The Pattern Making challenge this week was to make some Oxford bags, which The Husband saw and proclaimed he’d “quite like some of those”. 😮 He must either have ambitions to be Gene Kelly or he fancies heading over to a Northern Soul evening. Either way, he’d better find himself another dancing partner, as I have the rhythm and grace of a three-legged rhinoceros.

Yet again, Farie failed to finish. Am I the only one that this really annoyed?! I really don’t think that if you fail to finish on practically every Pattern Making challenge there has been that you deserve a place in the semi-final. All the contestants could spend their time making every little thing as perfect as possible because I would imagine none of them would like to see their work not bob on, but they don’t because they know they have to finish! Yes, I’m bitter, and no, I’m not even bothered.

I pity the poor bloke who would have to have worn Rebecca’s trousers before it was pointed out she’d forgotten the zip guard; he’d have come a right cropper wearing those!! 😬

Raph & Serena both smashed it with their trousers. Serena is so neat and technically correct with her sewing that it’s bordering on the obscene! 😂

Onto the Transformation Challenge and hold on to your hats – it’s only taken 9 episodes, but I actually enjoyed this one!! I think it’s because turning parachutes into garments was something that actually happened back in the ’40s, instead of it being something made up just for the sake of it.

I think Serena’s ruffle dress was totally inspired! Regardless of what I think to the Transformation Challenge concept, you can’t really fault any of them for actually coming up with ideas. They could give me three days to make something and I still wouldn’t have a clue! I don’t think Esme was particularly fair to Rebecca though; she wasn’t keen on the colour palette she used, but I don’t think you can blame Rebecca for the colour of the parachute! I really liked her overall design.

The Made to Measure this week was to make an outfit inspired by Dior’s New Look. If only Damo had still been here to make an actual trip to New Look for his outfit…!

It was looking touch-and-go with Rebecca for a while; despite the jacket not lining up, I don’t think she really got the concept of the challenge and she shouldn’t have added that bit of coordinating fabric to the jacket. 

Raph’s was bloody gorgeous though! I wish I could wear something like that, however I refer to my earlier “rhinoceros” comparison.

I’d have actually chosen that one as Garment of the Week, but it was nice to see Serena win it. I couldn’t really believe she hadn’t won it before, and it doesn’t seem fair that Fairie had won it quite a few times despite her inability to finish anything. (Again, I know, I have to let the bitterness go!!! 😂😂)

It was definitely time for Farie to go and I’m pleased to see the three most consistent sewers in the final. I have to say, I can’t call it at this stage as it does depend on how they do on the day. My gut feeling at this stage says Serena, but she might have a shocker, so it will be very interesting!

#FindingDamo Update:

• I have searched social media to no avail.
• I have Googled “Damien Wilton IT installation Bolton” to no avail. 
• I have searched LinkedIn to no avail.
• Sam has seen he is a member of a jazz Facebook group (WTF?!), which needs investigating further.
• If you Google the phrase “Damien Wilton Bolton”, a large number of images of criminals are shown, which is worrying. Thankfully, none of which seem to have been done for shoplifting in Rocha John Rocha.

You will be found, Damo, you will be found…! 😉😂

No, I’m not being melodramatic! It’s been a dark, dark week in the Sturdy household since Wednesday. The inevitable has happened. Damo went rogue one too many times, and he’s offski.

Apparently, not everyone in the sewing community was a fan of Damo (please don’t let this be any of you!), however I thought he brought something different to the programme to make people who wouldn’t normally entertain it, give it a go. Heck, even The Husband found him amusing and he really doesn’t like watching The Bee ordinarily. As a Sheet Metal Worker who works to supreme accuracy, he reckons everyone plays a bit fast and loose with their cutting out!! 😂

It started badly when Damo openly admitted to never having watched Dirty Dancing. W. T. A. F?!! Although, that’s what he says; he seemed quite comfortable trying to give “The Lift” a go with Joe. Nevertheless, he cracked on with his satin dress and it actually took him a full 20 minutes to state “I had to go a bit rogue”, which to be honest, is a bit of a record for him.

This was a horrendous task, as working with satin and chiffon is tricky as it is, but having to make it in four and a half hours was almost impossible. However, Serena smashed it again with her lovely little turquoise number. Much to Rebecca’s chagrin, who at one point I think was on the verge of murdering Serena in her sleep if she had to come second to her in another challenge.

This week’s Transformation Challenge was definitely something out of The Mother’s back catalogue who fashioned many an item using a pair of old curtains, so it was actually nice to reminisce this week. Thankfully, as far as I know (unless Brother Joel is hiding his pair), she never made any of us a pair of Lederhosen, which is a miracle given her love for The Sound of Music.

Rebecca’s competitive nature was certainly starting to shine through for the quarterfinal as for two seconds she was adamant she wasn’t going to show Damo how to make a playsuit (come on, love, give the poor bloke a break) but then quickly about-turned and asked him if he was OK, which is what I would have done.

For a change, Serena won this challenge too, but it was well deserved. There was applique and all sorts going on on her garment and the fact that she made a pair of culottes rather than a pair of shorts had to be commended. Who on earth can make culottes on a whim out of a chuffing curtain?!!

Now, before we start on the Made to Measure challenge, what DOES Damo keep in his manbag?

My best guess? His trusty old man slippers, that’s what!

This challenge was based upon the costumes of Dreamgirls, the third and final film that Damo had very little knowledge of and therefore struggled from the start. But hey, I don’t know about you, but when I think of upholstery fabric, the first thing I think of is “Disco”!! 🤦‍♀️ Chuffin’ ‘ell, Damo, you didn’t even give yourself a chance, did you?! To be fair, the end result wasn’t as bad as you’d have expected and his mantra of “stick a bit of trim on it” paid dividends.

Deservedly, Rebecca finally won Garment of the Week, which means everyone, especially Serena, can breathe a huge sigh of relief as the murderous look disappeared from her eye. If this is what she’s like during the quarterfinal, who knows what she’ll be like next week. If she makes it to the final, she might turn into The Hulk.

I will try and muster up some enthusiasm for the last two episodes, but now Damo’s left, it’s going to be a struggle. My dream now is for him to come to the shop, whether it be to have a fondle of our fabrics, give a talk, install some kind of IT things (which is what he does for a living) or just for a brew, but alas, he doesn’t seem to be on social media, which stunts me a little. So come on, everyone, let’s get #FindingDamo !

Thank you for entertaining us with your quirky ways, Damo, it’s been a pleasure. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go for a little sob into my sewing… 

Well this was a nicely timed episode, considering the unseasonable weather we’ve been having. I’ve wanted nothing more this May than to swaddle myself in flannel clothing. Ordinarily, if the weather had been behaving, I reckon I’d have got a right sweat on watching the contestants sew with warm fabrics!

The Pattern Challenge was a pig of a challenge wasn’t it?! Having to make a checked shirt and make sure all the checks lined up in that amount of time? Wowzers. I’m not surprised Farie didn’t finish, I just wished she’d cared more about not finishing; she seemed to be a bit blase about the whole thing.

My life was made though during this challenge: Damo used a flannel that we have in the shop!! I feel almost celebrity-endorsed!! 😂 Damo expressed his desire to have his “fust win making a shut”, which I think translates to “first win making a shirt”. Who knows? These Lancastrians talk a bit funny – we talk proper in Yorkshire so it’s hard to understand them!! 😉 He did well, considering yet again he practically tore up the instructions. He does it that often that I’ve even created a meme in honour of him :

Again, Serena shone through with her shirt; everything lined up perfectly. Raph came crashing down to earth and finished near the bottom for this challenge, which must have been a shock to the system. Maybe they don’t have him making many checked shirts at Ralph Lauren. 😉

The Transformation Challenge made me howl! I’m sorry, I know he’s not everyone’s cuppa tea, but I think they could get away with a spin-off show hosted by Damo, like they have It Takes Two for Strictly Come Dancing. He just makes me giggle. Those flowers and sparkles he randomly sewed on to that poncho-dress-thing he made were a sight to behold!

Farie deserved to win the challenge; I would never have thought to put two prints like that together for fear of them clashing, but they worked well.

Onto the Made to Measure Challenge which saw the sewers having to create a Christmas party frock.

Esme was not impressed at Andrew’s suggestion of using a smaller wrist bow than he was intending to but I don’t blame him; you don’t want a bow dragging in your soup on a night out. However, I imagine there can be nothing more devastating than the silence of said bow hitting the floor as the model’s parading down the catwalk, which is what happened to Andrew. Poor bloke.

Damo chose to make what I like to call “a dress with easy access” with a two-way zip. Knowing that he makes clothes for his wife, I wonder if one of the conversations they’ve had in their house involves his wife saying “For God’s sake Damien, can you just make me a skut (skirt) with a normal zip in it for once?!” The sheer exuberance pouring out of him when he’d made something half decent that fitted well was lovely to see. He practically started humping the poor model’s leg in delight!!

It was great to see Rebecca so happy with her make; there were fist pumps aplenty when she saw how nice it looked on her model and so there should have been as it was a lovely frock that fitted perfectly and was sewn beautifully.

To be honest, I reckon Damo and Rebecca were robbed out of Garment of the Week. Raph’s was nice and everything, but it would have been nice to see one of the others win it for a change. It just seems to be the usual suspects getting all the credit. As nice a bloke he was, it was Andrew’s time to leave this week, however I do think Farie dodged a bullet. I don’t think she’ll be able to get away with not finishing for much longer, now that we’re into the quarter-finals.

Next week is Music & The Movies Week, which should be good. The show’s getting more and more like Strictly as the weeks progress!

(…I think the title of the episode was something like that, anyway. 😉)

Before we start, I’d just like to congratulate Raph on winning the Tour de France before hot-footing it down to London to film this week’s episode. Is there no end to that bloke’s talents?!

Andrew started the show by announcing proudly he was wearing a tank top he’d fashioned using a load of old socks. The trouble is, Andrew, is that it very much looked like a tank top made of old socks. I can’t wait to see what he manages to create from a boat load of old pants he’s found at a jumble sale.

Now, onto the actual programme. I was a bit concerned this week was just going to be one long transformation challenge and in part I was right. The Pattern Challenge (or Transformation Challenge No. 1) of having to obtain enough fabric from secondhand jackets and dresses to make a waistcoat was a bit of a faffy foot-tapping-causer for me, however Raph had the good idea to completely deconstruct his jacket first, giving him a lot more scope for his pattern pieces.

Damo managed to make a sustainability challenge into an unsustainability one in one swift move, by using FOUR jackets for his little waistcoat!! Greta Thunberg, avert your eyes! At one point he sought advice from Serena for the bagging out, which is all well and good, but the thing is Damo you don’t actually need to ask Serena, you just need to READ THE BLOODY INSTRUCTIONS!!!! I also have to say that I have never used a Sharpie to mark anything on my pattern pieces and I can categorically say that I will never, ever be following Damo’s lead with that one.

Raph, fully loaded with adrenaline and Lucozade from his Tour de France win, made an impeccable waistcoat and quite rightly won that challenge. I do love how Damo reckoned he should have finished one place higher though!

Onto Transformation Challenge No. 2 of this week’s episode; making some chic womenswear using army surplus and fresh from making his “some sort of mermaid thing or summat” in last week’s challenge, Damo decided to create “a dress type thing, whatever, and a skirty thing”. Ah yes, I know them well.

Adeena seemed to particularly struggle this week. However, if I were to guess, I don’t think she’s right when she said that making a piece of chic womenswear out of camo is harder than being in the actual army. I have a call in to Ant Middleton though, so I’ll report back when I know for sure.

I’ve noticed Serena seems to get a bit of a bum rap and doesn’t really get the credit she deserves. There always seems to be a little something that the judges don’t like and this week Esme commented that her dress was “too wearable”. Is that now a thing?! Are we not meant to find clothes wearable anymore?!!

Farie cracked it again this week by making something that it was odds-on that Esme would like. Of course the shoulder-padded cape won. Of course it did.

Transformation Challenge No. 3 (or the Made to Measure Challenge) saw the sewers create frocks from old jeans. I quite enjoyed this one, actually, although I think I’d be a bit sick if I had to wear a dress made from Damo’s oil-stained jeans. 🤮

I think they all did a really good job this week, however Raph’s was chuffing amazing! Like something straight off the catwalk at Ralph Lauren, where he secretly works! 😉

It was time for Adeena to go this week, but I think Damo dodged a bit of a bullet and it’s a bit weird that we don’t seem to see much of that Rebecca. I think she’ll start shining through soon.

Next week is Winter Week, which is right up my street as I would wrap myself up in warm clothes every day of the year if I was physically able to do so! 

Well, here we are. It had to come sooner or later, so let’s try and make a silk purse from a sow’s ear and cobble together a half-entertaining review for my worst annual Sewing Bee week, shall we? Bloomin’ childrenswear. 😴

I’ve been trying to think why I have zero interest in this subject. I don’t even think not having any kids has anything to do with it. There are loads of kids I could have made clothes for over the years, but I just haven’t had much inclination to. However, looking through some old family snaps this week, I reckon I’ve discovered what it is; when I was little, this was the time when The Mother started to take more of an interest in sewing and luckily (for her not me) I was there for her to use as a guinea pig (my older brother and sister were far too cool for school at this point to entertain any dressmaking ideas she had!) For reasons unbeknownst to me, she chose to dress me like I’d been in a Victorian workhouse all day:

Never mind, I seem happy enough that I coordinated with the carpet and wood panelling. It’s what all 4 year olds want, after all. I reckon the psychological trauma of being dressed like an urchin has led me to this point, so blame The Mother for my lack of childrenswear enthusiasm.

Moving on to the episode, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, even though I think I tapped my foot for the whole hour, which is what I do when I watch anyone doing anything overly faffy, which making children’s clothes is as the pieces are so small.

The Pattern Making challenge involved making a romper. How many instructions were there for that romper?! I would think twice about making something so detailed for myself, never mind for a kid who’s going to get chocolate down it then grow out of it in 30 seconds!

I know the sewers all have to read out loud the odd instruction for the cameras, but I do actually believe Damo reads out loud ALL the instructions to himself, meaning if I was sewing next to him, I would unfortunately have to punch him in the face. However, for someone who does actually read the instructions, it’s amazing that he chooses not to follow them. At one point he asked the burning question “do you follow the instructions or do you follow your instincts, d’ya know what I mean?” Erm, Damo, JUST FOLLOW THE CHUFFING INSTRUCTIONS!!!

Not many seemed able to get to grips with the plastic snaps, which was a little bit baffling. Give it some welly, people! If you’re having the same trouble, check out our blog post for some useful tips: How to Install Snap Fasteners.

Serena & Rebecca deserved to be the top two with their rompers; they both had a lovely finish to them.

The Transformation challenge reached new depths of ridiculousness this week. An underwater themed fancy dress costume using swimming paraphernalia?! Are you kidding, Bee?!! Surely a better idea for this week would have been to have them knock up a costume using only what you would find in your house the night before the kid needs it for school?! I reckon quite a lot of viewers would have been able to relate to that one.

Damo reflected the same amount of enthusiasm as I would have had, when he remarked he was going to make “some sort of mermaid thing or summat”. A very vague mermaid, it was too. More “maid” than “mermaid”.

Kudos to Andrew though with that crab and Serena with the jellyfish! Very imaginative. It’s amazing what you can do with a swimming noodle when you’re under pressure.

Onto the Made to Measure challenge, which this week was to make a kid’s raincoat. I’m not one for cutesy fabrics on kids, so my faves this week were Raph’s and Serena’s.

Damo digressed from going to his usual clothes shop for his final garment and chose to go to B&M for a shower curtain instead. 

Yet again, Farie was awarded Garment of the Week. So she should have been as well, given she’d already made the raincoat twice for her kids! I’m not really sure on the judges’ methodology for awarding this; basically it seems you can mess up your first two challenges but then make something half alright in the Made to Measure and you win the week. Yes, I know I take these things far too seriously!

I felt so sorry for Adam; Patrick and Esme really went to town dissing his raincoat! I agree it was a bit of a “rum do” but they picked up every little thing that was wrong with it. How he didn’t crawl away and cry, I have no idea. Strange, as I’d have bet good money on him being a beefer. It’s a shame he had to leave this week as there are certainly worse sewers than him left. It just goes to show you only need one bad week and you’re offski!

Raph’s Patrick Transformation Update: 

Persevering with the moustache. Beard coming along nicely. No sign yet of tie tucked into high-waisted trousers.

We’re half-way through the series already 😥 and next week it’s Reduce Reuse Recycle week. Let’s hope to God it isn’t just one massive Transformation Challenge!!

So, it was International Week on The Bee this week and I think it’s only fair we start off with some general observations…!

1. This was the week when Raph started to morph into Patrick. What’s with the ‘tache, Raph?! Get your own chuffing look and leave our Patrick alone!

2. With every week that passes, Damien (or Damo as I now choose to refer to him as I would like him to be my friend) becomes more and more like Paddy McGuinness. One week, he will actually come out with the phrase “Let the needle see the thread”, I’m convinced of it.

3. How does Adam manage to talk and smile at the same time? Does he also have a ventriloquist act on the cruise ship? 

4. Esme’s necklace. Very commendable, but WTAF?! One unfortunate trip up a kerb and you’d turn your top into a Jackson Pollock!

Now, onto the challenges!

The Pattern Challenge this week was a Breton top which they had to make using a striped cotton jersey. Kudos to Farie who wisely chose a wide-striped jersey, therefore limiting the amount of stripes she had to match up. A lady after my own heart there!

Who felt for Cathryn with her overlocker eating part of the bodice?! We’ve all been there, haven’t we! Well, I certainly have anyway, usually at the very end of making a garment when I get a bit cocky and let my guard down!

Raph tried to throw us off the scent that he secretly works for Ralph Lauren with his effort, which wasn’t the best. Yes, Raph, of course you can’t do a neck binding perfectly. We believe you, thousands wouldn’t! 🙄

Serena quite rightly won this challenge, but one thing that always wonders me is how the hell do they remain so calm when they win?! If I won, there would be all sorts going on; fist bumps, high fives, the lot!!

On to the Transformation Challenge, or as I now call it, “coffee break”. Basically this week they had to turn two sarongs (or two rectangles of flimsy fabric) into a garment. The rules were quite simple; two sarongs into one garment. How did some manage to use just one sarong?! Oh well, yada, yada, yada, Adam won. Nice draping. Let’s move on.

I have to say, I LOVED this week’s Made to Measure Challenge!! It made a nice change to give the sewers more of a creative brief, rather than just telling them to make a particular garment. But, out of them all, I don’t think Farie should have won. I loved her idea of using Frida Kahlo’s “Broken Column” painting as inspiration (although, was I the only one concerned that there was going to be quite a lot of boobage on display before she explained what she was going to do?!! The Husband’s eyes certainly lit up at that point in the programme! 😂) but I just thought the finished garment was a bit “meh”. Take off the dramatic huge bow (which was always going to win Esme over) and the centre strip and you just had a basic black tent dress, which didn’t take much fitting at all. Do the judges want drama or do they want made-to-measure? Make your minds up, guys!

Damo’s, on the other hand, had boning and all sorts going on! Fair enough, they didn’t like his colour choices but as a garment, his was a lot more technical than Farie’s. Trust him, though, to be inspired by Kahlo’s brow! It wasn’t her feminism that he was drawn to, nor her beautiful paintings with vivid colours. Nope, it was the full brow, which he chose to represent using black fringing around the neckline!! Brilliant! 😂 Although, I bet it took him ages to find his finished garment in Debenhams this week, so I reckon he deserved a few bonus points for that.

Andrew made it hard for himself this week. As Patrick said, there was absolutely no need for him to start lining everything and his garment would have been a lot nicer if he hadn’t. He should follow my lead and only line in very extreme circumstances!

It was sad to see Cathryn go this week, but it was time. Her Made to Measure was lovely, but she completely wasted that Russian Doll fabric with the heavy lace overlay.

What will happen next week? Will Raph turn up in a pair of high-waisted trousers with his tie tucked in? Will Esme fashion a necklace out of a pack of unsuspecting dogs? Only time will tell. Next week is the annual Childrenswear snooze fest, so I can’t promise the next recap will be up to much.

I must say, I wasn’t looking forward to this one. I have very little interest in making menswear, mainly due to the fact that whenever I’ve suggested making something for The Husband, he pulls the most horrendous face whilst stating he “doesn’t want anything homemade”, as if I’m going to fashion him a shirt out of a potato sack or something. Charming.

However, Patrick and Esme et al lured me in from the start with the gratuitous photo of Tommy Shelby in “Peaky Blinders”, modelling the Baker Boy cap they had to make in the Pattern Challenge. 😍😍 From then on, I was hooked! So as a treat, here’s another one for you (it was a hard job going through all the many, many photos out there just trying to find the right one, but someone had to do it! 😉)

Surprise, surprise, Damien went rogue with the cutting of his cap and surprise, surprise, his pieces didn’t line up. There are a lot of patterns you can afford to go a bit scissor-happy with (trust me, I would know!) but I don’t reckon a small cap with quite a lot of pattern pieces is one of them! I have to admire his tenacity though and as the weeks go on, Damien can’t really do anything wrong in my eyes. Except live on the wrong side of the Pennines of course. If he was from Yorkshire, I fancy his motto in life would be “Be Reyt”, which is very commendable! 😂

Obviously Raph won the challenge with his amazing colour work on his cap. It’s getting boring now, Raph. We all know you secretly work for Ralph Lauren and have been brought in as a stooge; there’s no need to rub it in our faces! 😉

Watching that challenge, I do quite like the idea of making one of these for a change, but given the difficulty the sewers had with the plastic peak and the button on the top, I fear I might injure myself. And that’s even before I’ve hidden a razor blade in the peak a la Tommy Shelby!

Now, onto the Transformation Challenge. As they go, this isn’t the worst challenge they’ve ever done, but I don’t know why they had to use perfectly good jackets for it. I’m sure they were second-hand but they were still wearable as jackets, whereas it would have made more sense to use knackered old things that would have just been thrown away. Anyway, I’ll get off my Greta soapbox…!

Serena’s creation was very stylish, but let’s face it, you would have to be very confident of your own personal hygiene to wear anything with a snack pocket in your armpit. Nobody likes a moist crisp.

I loved this week’s Made to Measure challenge! I’m a huge fan of the utility jacket and I would have happily worn a few of the creations myself, especially Farie’s. The fabric she used for hers was just my cuppa tea and it was nice to see her finally finish a garment! 😂 As nice as it was, I’m not sure it was particularly “Garment of the Week” material, but good on ya, lass!

I loved Rebecca’s camo raglan-sleeved jacket. I love a good camo print and this jacket looked extremely useful.

Nice to see Damien managed to nip out again for his weekly visit to Rocha John Rocha to buy his finished piece! I tell you, he must be coining in the loyalty points by now!! 😉

It’s a shame Lawratu had to go after such a good week last week, but hey ho that’s the way the cookie crumbles, and she was the only beefer this week so that’s a Brucie Bonus! I have my suspicions they decided to sack her off due to her hammering technique, which was neither here nor there. GIVE IT SOME WELLY, LOVE!!!!

Before you read on, I must point out that The Husband received his COVID vaccination on Wednesday morning and not being one to suffer in silence, decided to inform me that he was feeling a bit dodgy 15 minutes from the end of the episode. He informed me A LOT. And loudly. To the point where I had to tell him to “pack it in, I have to see these dresses”. A nurse, I am not. Therefore, I wasn’t paying as much attention to the last part of the episode as I should have done. but I tried my best! Anyway, onto the goods!

Raph, Raph, infuriating Raph. Of course he’s good at gymnastics! Why wouldn’t he be?! I expect he can also get the perfect rise on his Yorkshire Puddings and his trumps smell of chuffing roses as well! Basically, Raph is the epitome of a human being and I have now decided he is my nemesis. If only he wasn’t so bloody talented and likeable. Another solid week for the guy and I loved that dipped-dye hem lobster dress he made in the Made to Measure, even though Patrick and Esme didn’t seem too keen!

Damien, you Lancastrian beast, you! I love him, in the most unromantic way possible. (No offence, Damien.) I do have to question whether he has ever used a pattern before, but I do admire how he seems to wing it through every challenge with his “couldn’t give a f” attitude to sewing! The look of horror/confusion on his face though when Patrick and Esme said they didn’t like his fringing on his Transformation Challenge was priceless!: 

Again, he managed to nip out to the shop before the second day to obtain a frock for the Made to Measure challenge so he pulled it out of the bag again! Go on, Damien!!! 😂

Does anyone else get really disinterested during the Transformation Challenges?! I get that the producers have to make the programme entertaining for non-sewers and they’re probably trying to promote the concept of sustainability by upcycling, but I just find it all a bit unnecessary. Not that I have any ideas of what they could do as an alternative of course, but if the makers of the programme want to pay me for my creative talents, then I’m sure I could come up with something! 😉

Did you see Cathryn dance it up to some grime with Joe?! In my notes for this blog (yes, I write notes, surprising as it may seem!) I wrote “Me and Cathryn would get on famously – she can teach me about growing veg and I don’t mind a bit of Stormzy”!! True dat.

Onto the Made to Measure challenge; how chuffing amazing was Adeena’s self-drafted asymmetrical fastening dress?!! Oh my days! I think she might be a bit of a dark horse that Adeena, so we’ll have to wait and see.

Did you spot Lawratu’s version of the Closet Core Fiona Dress?! It’s nice to recognise a pattern isn’t it! I have to say though, I’m not overly keen on a puff-sleeved dress like a few made. It’s just a bit too “1980s bridesmaid dress” for me and having been a young bridesmaid a few times in the ’80s, I think I have emotional scars!

Another great episode and I look forward to next week…mainly to see whether Raph has managed to achieve his PhD in a week. 😉