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I’m back for this year’s Christmas Spesh of the Great British Sewing Bee! Nowt much has changed; I’m still giving my two penneth’s worth, the only difference is I’m jingling all the way while doing it.

Disclaimer: I HATE celebrity Christmas specials of programmes with a vengeance, the Sewing Bee included. I hate it when contestants don’t take things seriously and don’t really try and I don’t agree with the notion of “it’s just a bit of fun”. NO! It isn’t! If you’re entering a competition, enter it to win, not mess about!!! 😂

The only reason I was drawn into this one was because Johannes from Strictly was on it. I love Johannes. I think he’s actually the nicest man in the world and I think we could be best friends. The other three contestants were Penny “I’m married to Rod Stewart so must mention him at every given opportunity” Lancaster, Sonia from Eastenders and Rosie Ramsey, who some people find entertaining. I am not one of those people.

Patrick and Esme were back in full force, along with that Sara Pascoe woman. Patrick’s hair seems to have taken on a life of its own since the last series finished, to the point that it half looked like he was wearing a toupee.

Anyway, onto the Pattern Making challenge, which was an apron. Now, another beef I have with these celebrity versions of programmes is that celebrities seem to have very little skill, other than for being celebrities. At least on the celebrity Bake Off, chances are they’ve made a bun at some point in their lives. Sewing, however, is a very different kettle of fish. Johannes said he had some experience in repairing clothes (which is the dullest form of sewing in the world and I don’t know why you would choose for this to be your only sewing experience!!!) but the others happily admitted to not even knowing how to sew on a button. Brilliant.

During this first challenge, we discovered the Strictly partnership we never knew we needed when Johannes and Patrick danced a turn around the haberdashery. He was very light on his feet was our Patrick, as opposed to Esme who astonishingly had the finesse of a herd of stampeding elephant. Don’t worry, Esme, I can sympathise.

The results of this challenge weren’t much cop, but there was no way the non-sewers did what they did without any external help. Regardless, Patrick still struggled to find anything decent about the aprons, other than Johannes’ of course, because he rules the world and also made the best apron.

As always, the Transformation Challenge was next and they couldn’t resist it, could they? They had to wheel on a chuffing kid! Regular readers will know my aversion to children and Christmas provides no exception. The challenge was to make a Christmas outfit for a kid using old kid clothes. It was nice to see Sonia from Eastenders channeling the spirit of The Mother as she headed straight for the browns to make a Christmas pudding type effort. Let’s refresh our memories of the outfit The Mother made me as a kid, shall we, obviously made to match the decor of the dining room. Or maybe I was meant to be a Christmas pudding also.

Stick a sprig of holly on my head and I would have won that challenge, hands down.

Penny, the woman who has never sewn a stitch, gathered net like her life depended on it to make a Christmas bauble. Of course she did. What else would a beginner sewer do?! She later beat herself up for using glue to adorn the outfit with embellishments. Don’t you worry yourself, love, Damien got through to the quarter finals using a sharpie as one of his fave sewing tools. 😉

Johannes’ outfit was a bit strange. I thought it was meant to be a candy cane but Esme correctly guessed that it was that popular Christmas outfit – a barber’s pole.

Finally, the Made to Measure Challenge – to make a New Year’s Eve fancy dress costume inspired by a pop star.

Luckily, the Sewing Fairy had paid a visit to the haberdashery overnight to cut out everyone’s pattern pieces. If only we could all have one of those!

Penny “never sewn a button” made a Madonna inspired lurex jacket and gathered skirt. 😮 WTAF?! I’ve never seen those two items feature in a beginner’s sewing course, have you?!

Johannes chose to make a Harry Styles style stretch jumpsuit and Rosie a fringed, zipped Dolly Parton dress.

Sonia from Eastenders who has also “never sewn a button” chose to make a Liam Gallagher inspired parka, appliquéd and lined, because a hooded coat just wasn’t enough. She then banged on about how many times she’s met the big man, so she loses for being cocky because the only story I want to hear about anyone meeting Liam Gallagher should involve me and I am yet to do so. *sob*. In one of her many, many, many 🙄 anecdotes, Sonia did say that she thinks Liam watches the Sewing Bee. Now, where did I put that application form…?!! 😉

There is no way anyone made any of these outfits! It would have taken someone with years of experience to make something even half decent for any of these!!

During the judging, Esme carried on the delusion that they had in fact all sewn their outfits having never sewn a stitch before. “It’s amazing”! She proclaimed. Hmmm… never knew “amazing” was a synonym for bullsh*t.

Johannes won Garment of the Week with his jumpsuit, which wasn’t surprising. Johannes would have won regardless, just because he’s Johannes.

If you haven’t seen this yet and I’ve put you off, please PLEASE watch the last two minutes of this programme. You will think you’re having a strange dream, but it is terrifically horrifying!

I’ll see you next time, for the start of the next series of the Sewing Bee!

I must say, I was very much looking forward to this week’s episode. I do enjoy it when they go a bit “historical” and the 1920s-40s have always been one of my favourite eras for fashion.

The Pattern Making Challenge saw the contestants make sailor trousers, which in actual fact look like the most difficult-to-make trousers known to man!! Who knew that some trousers have to be assembled like a jigsaw puzzle and excuse me, but exactly how long will it take to go for a Jimmy Riddle when you’re undoing and re-doing up all those buttons?! Talk about earning your trip to the loo. You wouldn’t want to wear these if your pelvic floor’s a bit dodge!!! 😂 If you thought a pair of dungarees were a challenge, you ain’t seen nothing yet! I have to say though, I loved the style of them and would very much like to try making a pair for myself. I do like to have a project that’s a bit more substantial on the go, so this might be a good one. I’m struggling to find the actual pattern they used though, so if you know what it is, hit me up!

Kudos to every single one of them in this challenge; they all managed to sew something that half-resembled a trouser in only 4 hours! Not surprisingly, there wasn’t one pair that Patrick and Esme didn’t find a few faults with, but come on – that had to be one of the hardest Pattern Making challenges we’ve ever had, surely?! 

The Transformation Challenge had them making a 1930s style women’s blouse using two men’s shirts. The dog managed to sum up my general Transformation Challenge feels this week:

That was until Cristian made this fantastic expression:

Man Yee won with an actual wearable garment that you might be tempted to wear in public! Who’d a thunk it?! Very stylish it was too!

Finally, the contestants had to make a bias cut dress fit for a Hollywood starlet in the Made to Measure Challenge. At least they had a reason to make a fabulous dress; you never really get the chance to wear owt like that ordinarily, do you? You’d get a few funny looks tramming around Morrisons in one.

Even though this was a challenge for woven fabrics, Cristian mysteriously decided to choose a fabric with lycra in it, which was a novel take on the challenge. He used a stretch velvet to make a dress which I have actually made for myself for a bridesmaid’s dress for my BFF’s wedding! I had the sense though to not make “so many changes to the pattern” as admitted by Cristian. That’s the kiss of death on this programme! Stick to the script, Cristian!!

It was nice seeing more French Seam love this week; again Debra chose to use them throughout, as did Annie who called them “therapeutic”! Yes, Annie, you’re bob on, love!! Not many believe me, but it’s nice to get lost in a French Seam. Or a whisky and coke. Or both if you really want to live life on the edge. Annie took Garment of the Week with her gorgeous red number (I think Patrick and Esme must love a French Seam as much as me!).

I think the writing was on the wall for Cristian to be sacked off this week as soon as he started hacking into his sewing pattern and decided on a stretch fabric! It’s a shame because he was one of my favourites to win and if he hadn’t have done that, I reckon he’d have gone through as he wasn’t at the bottom before that challenge.

This was the first week when we’ve really seen Brogan under threat, so it will be interesting to see if she bounces back next week.

Is anyone else finding this series a bit of a drag?! They’re all nice enough, but there doesn’t seem to be any characters in it this year and the ones that are left are all very similarly skilled, so it’s going to be hard to separate them. Never mind, onwards and upwards and I’ll see you next time!

Philippa

Following on from last week’s magnificent Music Week, we’ve come crashing back down to earth with Lingerie & Nightwear Week. I don’t have anything against these garments per se (it’s not like I go commando or anything), it’s just I tend to squirm with embarrassment at the mere mention of “crotch” or “gusset”, to the point that I’ve never even bought underwear in person. I’ve always bought online so I don’t blush in front of the shop assistant. I know, who knew I was so conservative?! Therefore for the Pattern Making challenge this week, which involved making a matching bra and knickers set (they’re meant to match?! 😉) I literally spent the majority of this section of the programme cringing, curled up in the foetal position on the sofa. The things I go through for you!!

When going through the challenge, Patrick made out he didn’t know much about ladies underwear. I bet he knows more than he’s letting on, the saucy little devil!!!

Very similar to the sneaker-making challenge earlier on in the series, I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated with all the faffing on with teeny tiny fabric pieces and Cristian managed to inform us at least 20 times during this challenge that he didn’t know anything about bras. Cristian, love, I have no idea about them either and I wear them!

The end results were all ok. Debra’s bumpy gusset was a highlight of the series and as Patrick so diplomatically put it, “very unfortunate”.

The Transformation Challenge this week involved making going out outfits using thermals. What is their obsession with making going out outfits?! Can we not have a challenge for us introverts, who just prefer to stay in?! Maybe making a pair of comfy PJs out of a dog bed or something? Funnily enough, the finished garments just basically looked like a bunch of thermals hacked to buggery. There wasn’t a right lot that good be done to make them look any other, probably because of the plethora of pastel colours. The end line-up was very very reminiscent of a packet of Flumps.

During this challenge, Man Yee resorted to the glue gun rather than stitching her grid design into place. (I presume the glue guns are stored in the same area as Damien and NotSoDungaSte’s favourite “sewing” tool of choice – the humble Sharpie.) Esme didn’t mind the glue gun for some reason, so welcome to the Great British Glue Gun Challenge!!

The Made to Measure Challenge this week was to make some luxurious nightwear for the gentlefolk. Patrick chose this time to admit to the nation that his nightwear of choice is a nightshirt and he has many of varying lengths. Who knew Patrick was into Scrooge-chic?! He can be my ghost of Christmas past any night of the week! 😉

A few chose silk for this challenge, which is a slippery little bleeder. Even though she took the easy way out and used cotton lawn, I didn’t blame Brogan for doing so, I’d have done the same thing!

Debra chose to use French Seams in her construction, so in my eyes, she wins everything! We all know I have a penchant for les seams de Francais (I have no idea if that’s actual French, I just made it up).

What was Cristian thinking of with those sleeves?! The poor model bloke was nearly tripping over them, they were that long!

I’m surprised Patrick didn’t start humping Man Yee’s pyjamas, the way he banged on about them. We get it, Patrick, they were good, chuffing hell – give it a rest!! Surprise, surprise, she won Garment of the Week.

Sadly, it was Gill’s turn to go this week, which was probably the right decision as she had a bit of a shocker. Gill made a very nice speech at the end, to which Patrick even shed a tear. They were all positively distraught actually…maybe she was the one that brought the sweets in every week. 😉

Next week is ’30s week, which sounds very interesting! I have high hopes, so no doubt they will be swiftly dashed.

Philippa x

Sorry this is a bit late – I got more involved with the Platinum Jubilee celebrations than I intended and have been up to my ears in trifle since Thursday. Honestly, if I never see a mandarin segment again, it will be too soon. However I am here, so let’s cast our minds back to last Wednesday’s fantastic Music Week, shall we!

I feel like the producers actually found a way into my head a la Bill Gates and made my ideal episode! We had parkas, photos of Liam Gallagher, Oasis songs as the background music…bung in a Domino’s and a couple of frozen Pina Coladas and basically you’d have me summed up in an hour!

This is my one and only opportunity to do this, so throughout this post, you will find random photos of the one and only LG. If you don’t like them, there’s no need to tell me in the comments; I have to approve the comments before they’re published so I’ll go a bit “Kim Jong Un” and sack any disparaging remarks off. There’s no democracy on this blog, people!! 😂

Onto the Pattern Making Challenge, which saw the contestants have to make parkas. I have always wanted to make a parka. I have about 10 in my wardrobe because you can never have too many; they’re cosy, functional, tend to have a lot of pockets, have a hood and you look cool AF. 

Cristian seemed to be the fountain of all knowledge in this task; Gill asked him for help with her zip and Angela sought help with her placket. How Cristian didn’t lose his schizz, I have no idea. I would be that person that hides their work and doesn’t help anyone. Yes, I was that person at school and I stand by my principles; you don’t learn if you don’t try!!!

Annie reached a new low when she failed to recognise the hem cord, when in actual fact she was holding the hem cord. 😐

Brogan chose this challenge to admit to the nation she’s a fan of JLS and Justin Bieber, which I’d have put good money on to be honest. Despite this horrific fact, she took the spoils with her very Oasis-esque creation. It may have been good, but she has no business even being in the same room as a parka.

Onto the Transformation Challenge and finally one I could completely get on board with, because Ladies & Gentlemen, I am indeed a little but country, a little bit rock ‘n’ roll. The contestants had to turn denims and tops into stage outfits for country music singers. It didn’t bode well when Man Yee stated she didn’t even know what country music was, however Cristian said he liked the Dolly Parton classic, “Jolene”, so that’s a start. I highly doubt he knew it was Dolly Parton who sung it though.

Both Man Yee and Gill decided to incorporate “star boobs” with their outfits, which was gutsy. Gill took the spoils with hers, which looked very much like a Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleading outfit. I don’t think any rising country music stars would get very far with any of the creations to be honest, but they had a go.

The Made to Measure Challenge saw them having to make a David Bowie inspired outfit, during which we learnt one important thing; Debra’s singing certainly does not match her sewing capabilities. Come on Debra, if you’re going to start singing Bowie songs on primetime TV, maybe try and hold a tune.

Angela chose to make a coat/dress effort using a Dashwood needlecord that we have had in the shop! It’s not the first time I’ve spotted one of our fabrics this series; NotSoDungaSte used a Dashwood cotton lawn for his shirred dress, but I didn’t mention it as it wasn’t the best advert for the fabric. Angela’s on the other hand, looked lovely!

I was expecting something awful for Cristian’s garment; it didn’t look to be going well and he basically stuffed his model in it like he was trying to get a lump of Play Doh back in its tub, but I really liked it!! Granted, I wouldn’t wear it to go to our local, but as a Bowie-inspired outfit, it did the job! The model also looked fabulous in it. I know this probably isn’t very “woke”, but her and her Aris looked fantastic!

Annie won this week’s Garment of the Week with her jacket/dress thingy. It was very well made, but a bit “meh” for me. It was between her and Debra but I reckon if they’d have given it to her again, they would have had to rename the award to “The Debra”.

Angela was the one to unfortunately leave us this week, which is a shame, but perhaps it was karma for her openly admitting earlier on in the episode that she didn’t like parkas.

I really enjoyed this episode, but we’re crashing back down to earth with an almighty bang next week with Lingerie/Nightwear Week. I tell you now, I last bought a pair of pants in 2001, which should give you some indication as to how interested I will be in this.

See you in a bit.

Philippa

Sidenote: Have you ever come across the Sewing Bee playlists on Spotify?! You should give them a go – this week’s one has been particularly excellent!

This is my least favourite week and to be honest, I didn’t rush making my pre-programme cuppa, so it was a few minutes in by the time I started watching. I then walked into the room to hear the phrase “to make their sailor suits…” which made me eye roll and grimace like never before, so I wasn’t holding much hope for the rest of the episode!

The Pattern Making challenge saw the contestants have to make kids’ sailor suits, because that’s what kids wear nowadays…IF YOU’RE A CHUFFING ROYAL!!!! I’m not being funny, but if a kid stepped outside into one of the surrounding areas of where the GBSB was filmed, wearing a sailor suit, they’d get bloody lynched.

Onto the challenge and there was a ballsy move by Man Yee early doors, when she chose to be slightly inappropriate by likening making her sexy sailor anime cosplay costume to making a child’s outfit 😂, however it stood her in good stead as she won first place in this challenge

I’m 99% certain I will never type this again, but I didn’t  think the Transformation Challenge was that bad this week! In fact, it was bordering on being useful!! The amount of school uniform people must have kicking about, it makes sense to try and make something out of it that kids can wear in their spare time as well. Angela took the spoils with her pant suit effort (not sure I’d have put it on a kid, but hey ho) but I think Marni was robbed in this challenge; she made a great hoodie and shorts set and granted, the zip wasn’t the best, but it was actually something you could see a kid wearing!

Honourable mention goes to Gill, who won first prize for the best Max Wall cosplay costume! 😉😂

Onto the Made to Measure, where they had to make a Halloween costume with 3D elements, so they could really go to town with this one! I have to say, kids don’t know they’re born nowadays, with all the technology and paraphernalia they can have on a costume. I have vivid memories of going to a fancy dress party as Dame Edna Everage, one of The Mother’s favourites. The only 7 year old in the world in the ‘80s who ever went to a fancy dress party as a bloke in drag. it’s a wonder I’ve grown up as stable as I am.
Cristian, the bloke from Transylvania, made, yes, you’ve guessed it…a clown’s outfit. 😐 I suppose not everyone’s up for being a cliche! 

There were some fabulous ideas and some pulled them off better than others, but the absolute star of the show and deserved winner of Garment of the Week was Debra with her amazing Miss Haversham costume! OMG! How detailed was that?! I would have happily worn that instead of a Dame Edna outfit any day!!

 
Sadly, and shockingly, Marni was the one who got the chop this week, which was a real shame as I tipped her to get at least to the semi final. Unfortunately the fish pond piping let her down and didn’t make her costume “float”, which let’s face it, is a common downfall when it comes to sewing a dress! 😂

Not a bad episode for Childrenswear week and thankfully that’s now out of the way. Next week is Music Week, which seems more up my street. I shall be practicing my Liam Gallagher swagger in anticipation for the Parka making!

Stay loose until next time!

Philippa 

PS: The Wordle answer was “vouch”! 😉

We’re at that point in the series when we all have to dig out our husbands’ old Y-Fronts to make charming lampshades. Yes, folks, it’s Patrick’s favourite week; Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and the contestants had some right challenges to contend with this week!

A nice easy Pattern Challenge to begin with; make a quilted jacket using patchwork IN FOUR AND A HALF HOURS!!!!!!  😮😮😮 Not content with them just having to make a jacket, they had to make the chuffing fabric first!!! They may as well have just provided them with a loom and had done with it!

Amazingly, they all managed to finish something in one way or another, which they all deserve a round of applause for. I had a particularly sweary moment at home when NotSoDungaSte announced he’d never used bias binding before 🤨. The Husband actually said “I wish your mum could hear what comes out of your mouth sometimes!!!” 😂😂 All I’m saying is, if you go on this programme, you should probably have a go at a few common techniques that you’ve never tried before in preparation, because chances are, they’re going to crop up.

If you fancy having a go at a quilted jacket yourself, luckily Brogan was here again with one of her Terrific Top Tips: measure the distance between the lines of topstitching with a ruler. 😐 Thank you once again, Brogan. We eagerly anticipate the release of your Top Tips book once the series ends! 😉 Her advice certainly stood her in good stead anyway, because her jacket was fabulous! If it wasn’t for that one pesky mitred corner that she made a balls of, she’d have won that challenge, but instead it was Debra who took the spoils, with her pink number.

Onto the Transformation Challenge, which plummeted to new depths of bizarreness this week, when the contestants had to make a coat out of a coat. Maybe the producers wanted an early finish on the day they devised this one?! I don’t have much to say on this one really. They all successfully made some kind of coat from a coat. Job done.

Finally the Made to Measure Challenge; make a maxi dress from an old duvet cover. Now, I make no bones about this and you can judge me all you like, but I’m a bit of a snob. I’m all for buying vintage clothes and things like that, but the thought of a second hand duvet cover makes me want to vom. In fact, I did gip a couple of times throughout this challenge when I thought about what was happening too much. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but it’s like buying your pants from a jumble sale. Thankfully, the contestants didn’t share my same level of disgust and they went on to produce some gorgeous dresses! Most impressive was NotSoDungaSte duvet cover find, which I think came straight from Del-Boy Trotter’s bedroom! 😂

He did, however, reach for a new low when he contemplated reaching for the Sharpie to rectify a mistake. You know you’ve lost it, don’t you, when your only hope is a marker pen.

Brogan succeeded in making a dress that, well, looked like an old duvet cover!

My favourites this week were Cristian’s (again!) and Gill’s, who also deservedly won Garment of the Week.

I think Cristian might be a bit of a dark horse. We haven’t seen much from him yet, but he’s producing some lovely quality garments!

I thought we were going to get through one week without crowning a Smart Ar*e of the Week, however Marni came from the rear with her handmade trim on her dress! Congratulations Marni! Remember, this title offers no kind of prize, monetary or otherwise! 😂

It was, quite rightly I think, NotSoDungaSte’s turn for the chop. Shame, as we’ll never know if he had any other pairs of dungarees in his wardrobe. He seemed a nice bloke, he could have just done with doing a bit more homework!

Next week is the ultimate snoozefest – the dreaded Childrenswear Week. 🙄😴🤦‍♀️ Don’t expect much from me next week; the most I’ll be able to contribute are the answers to Wordle, Nerdle, Heardle, Quordle and Octordle!!! 😂

Have a good week!

Philippa x

After last week’s fiasco I had a lot of hope for this week, as it seemed by watching the trailer that it was going to be relatively normal and thankfully my hopes were not dashed! In fact, even the Transformation Challenge wasn’t that bad this week, so things are looking up! 

It’s quite nice that the producers are now giving the contestants the chance to set the challenges themselves, as this week the Pattern Challenge was obviously chosen by Brogan, the puff-sleeved, shirred dress queen, as they had to make guess what? A puff-sleeved, shirred dress. 🙄 There’s no point even telling you the winner of this one, is there?!

We all learnt something during this challenge though, when Brogan kindly shared with us her top tip to feed elastic through a channel; “use a safety pin”. 😐 Throw a dog a bone, Brogan, for crying out loud. Maybe her top tip could have been to explain to DungaSte (whose dungarees now seem to sadly have been a one-off) how to construct a dress, because he didn’t really have much of an idea this week. He doesn’t seem to be really up on many techniques thus far, which is fair enough given that he only started sewing in lockdown and not everyone can be a “Raph” from the last series (who quite frankly was a sewing freak of nature 😂), but you have to be very confident to think, “I’ve been sewing a year or so now, do you know what? There’s nowt to it – I’m going to apply for the Sewing Bee!” I mean, WTF?! That’s the equivalent of me thinking I can hold my own in the Royal London Philharmonic with my Grade 3 violin!

Anyway, apart from NotSoDungaSte’s effort, which was mainly just fabric pinned to the mannequin, and Richy’s dress which seemed a bit on the wonk on the whole, the line-up of mannequins was very reminiscent of a cast shot from Little House on the Prairie and everyone did a good job. Some of the shirring was obviously done after a cheeky gin as it was a bit skew-whiff, but who wouldn’t have a sly snifter in that room?! In fact, Michael Landon who played Charles Ingalls in Little House on the Prairie allegedly used to have vodka in his coffee cup, so it’s quite fitting really! 😂

(The Legend that was Michael Landon)

The Transformation Challenge this week involved having to make a summer outfit from a hammock, which is probably one of the most normal challenges we’ve had, given that a hammock is just basically a huge rectangle of fabric. The curve ball was, though, for them to use the fancy macrame trims as part of the outfit. At one stage, I thought we were going to have two contenders for our Smart Ar*e of the Week when Man Yee started plaiting some rope and Angela mentioned she’d just done a macrame class at the WI, but no – false alarm! Angela won this week, but there were a few that were really good and actually wearable, which made a nice change. You see, it is possible to think of an entertaining Transformation Challenge without being weird!!

The Made to Measure Challenge saw the contestants make a co-ordinating summer outfit, which you see everywhere at the moment. Even I’m planning a Friday Pattern Company Saguaro Set for my hols! The fabrics they all used this week were utterly swoon-worthy and the models all looked amazing in the outfits!

We finally found our Smart Ar*e of the Week during this challenge; for the second week running Richy was given the honours due to his decision to draft his own pattern. However Smart Ar*e of the Week swiftly turned into Numpty of the Week when we discovered that he hadn’t practiced making his garment!! RICHY!!! WTAF?!!?! I mean, I’m no lover of the toile, but if I was a contestant on this programme, I’d be toiling and practicing ’til the cows came home! For the second week running, he failed to make something that fit his model, which was lucky for NotSoDungaSte as I think he dodged a bullet because it was Richy’s turn to go home.

My favourites this week were Brogan’s and Cristian’s (Cristian’s fabric was to die for!!!) and I’m surprised Brogan didn’t win Garment of the Week as she had a good solid week, but Debra came from the rear to win it with her boat co-ord! Not my cuppa tea, but a very well made set.

Next week is Reduce, Reuse, Recycle week, which I have a strange feeling annoyed me a bit last year…was that the Transformation Challenge with the chuffing parachutes?!!!! Anyway, I’ll go into it with an open mind…! 😂

Catch ya next week. Be good.

Philippa x

Footnote: How amazing would it be to have a conversation with Esme?! She just drops things in like how she made the shirts for Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo & Juliet!! 😮 Looking into it, she also made Cillian Murphy’s costumes in 28 Days Later, which means she could have possibly met Tommy Shelby!!! 😮😍 All roads lead to Tommy Shelby…! 😂

How naive of me to think there could not possibly be a week less interesting to me than Childrenswear week (I have no kids + I don’t like kids = zero interest) and along came a week when they had to make chuffing knock-off Converse in the Pattern Challenge!!! 🤦‍♀️ Have Patrick and Esme now started a sweatshop as a sideline?!

This week started poorly. I think my uncontrollable, frustration-induced foot-tapping started the earliest it ever has done at the thought of having to cut out 3 million tiny bits of fabric and punch 25,000 eyelets into a pair of high-tops. For me (and I know you might disagree), this fell into the same category as making a bra, knitting a pair of socks or crocheting a dishcloth. I mean, come on!!

Rather unsurprisingly, the end results weren’t much cop. Even the finished articles didn’t look that great and were quite reminiscent of a pair of trainers your grandma would pick up from the market and try and convince you were the real deal. It was quite remarkable how little Angela managed to do in four hours, though. What were you doing, Angela? Were you the nominated tea lady for that challenge?! I’m not for one second saying that I could have done any better; I’m saying that sometimes things can look very “homemade” rather than “hand-crafted” – there is a difference!!

This week, while I was slowly going insane, I looked at the Transformation Challenge differently. Imagine you were an alien and you’d just walked into that room to see a line of “outfits” made using netball kit, and then watched Patrick and Esme seriously critique them. Sometimes, I’m very surprised French & Saunders haven’t done a spoof of this programme.

What was that sporran thing that Richie made?! Does he know that the ladeez don’t stand at urinals? My favourite (I use that term very loosely) was the top that Debra made. How effective was that stitching on the pleats?! I think she was robbed. Brogan’s was alright, but I don’t think I’d go about my day wearing a dress with my netball position on my skirt. (Goal Keeper, if you’re interested; very little running and perfect if you have a growth spurt as a 13 year old!)

Things finally started to look up in the Made to Measure Challenge, when the contestants had to make a sports jacket inspired by their favourite sporting icons. This was the challenge where we discovered this week’s Smart Ar*e of the Week; step forward Richie, with your knitted cuffs and hemband and Tom Daley zipper pull! 🙄 I was hoping the zipper pull would be one of those things that if you tip one way, you would see Tom Daley in his trunks and then tip the other way to reveal Tom in the altogether, but I don’t think Richie’s engineering skills were up to the task. Unfortunately, Richie then chose to make his jacket in a kiddy size, which made it a bit snug on his model and therefore rendered his efforts pointless.

I must say, some of the jackets were bloomin’ amazing! I loved Brogan’s and Marni’s in particular. I would wear Marni’s every day of the week and adopt a Liam Gallagher type swagger whilst doing so, and she quite deservedly won Star Garment this week.

I thought it was hard to choose the person who had to go this week as there were a few who had a ‘mare at various points. Unfortunately, though, it was Chichi, which was probably the right choice. Her jacket wasn’t the best but they’re all such a talented bunch this year that one slip up and I think they’ll be offski. I reckon Richie’s zipper pull probably saved him from the chop this week! 😉

Next week is Summer Week, so fingers crossed that will maintain my interest. I’ll just make sure to save my Wordle that day for the Transformation Challenge! 😉😂

Have a good week dudes!

Philippa

Well, hello there! It’s good to be back with my little lighthearted recaps of the Great British Sewing Bee episodes! They seemed to be quite popular last year, so the pressure’s on for me not to disappoint this time round, especially as the big man himself (Damien) messaged to say he was looking forward to reading these! Oh, didn’t you know? We’re BFFs now! He will deny the whole thing, but we are, honest! 😉

There’s a major change this year in that Sara Pascoe has taken over from Joe Lycett as the host, which saddened me as I loved Joe! I don’t particularly find Pascoe humorous, to be honest. In fact, her and that Aisling Bea are two women that totally do my box in. BUT, I shall reserve my judgement until we’re a few episodes in, as I’m nothing but fair!

This series was filmed at Sunnybank Mills in Super Leeds, which is my home city, so it was nice to see some familiar surroundings on the screen. I can’t quite believe we let the southerners and Lancastrians in, but I suppose it was only for a limited period of time so I’ll let them off.

We can’t carry on with a recap until we’ve covered the topic of “Patrick”, can we?! I’m rather liking the new haircut! It’s a little bit Tommy Shelby-esque, so if he could just start nonchalantly hanging a cigarette from his bottom lip and adopt a menacing tone, he’ll have cracked it and it would make for a very different programme indeed!

You might remember from last year that I’m rubbish with names and I don’t seem to cotton on (pardon the pun) until about Week 5, but I’ll try my best! To give myself a project like last year, I need to find my stalking* victim early doors, and an early contender I think is Steve who wore the dungarees, or DungaSte as I will now refer to him as! (Thank you, I will now take a bow!! 😂) He seems like a down to earth bloke. Southern, but down to earth, but hey, we can’t have everything can we?

The first Pattern Challenge of the series saw them make a woollen mini skirt, complete with exposed zip and patch pockets, which puzzled The Husband, who asked if people actually wear things with “those pockets”. I said they wouldn’t be my first choice, but they are a bona fide pocket. This challenge unveiled the winner of my inaugural “Smart A*se of the Week” award; a new award (which has no monetary value whatsoever nor a trophy to accompany the title) handed to the person who goes above and beyond what they’re meant to do in a challenge, which admittedly I was renowned for doing at school, so don’t take offence – we can be smart a*ses together!!! Take a bow, Angela, who chose to make her piping to edge her pockets rather than use some off the roll! There’s always one, isn’t there Angela?! 😉😂

A lot was learnt from this challenge; mainly that apparently it isn’t that easy to place patch pockets in a pressurised environment without them being on the wonk. Mitch was quite clearly the one who they’d dragged off the street to make up the numbers, like I thought they had with Damien last year. I’m sorry, Mitch, but THE HEM?!!! WTAF?!! I will have nightmares about that for weeks.

Next up, the Transformation Challenge…🥱 or my annual Snoozefest. Regular readers will know that I find this part of the programme a turn-off, mainly because there is no way on earth you would ever contemplate doing any of the challenges in real life, so they’re a bit pointless. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to start turning my hoodies into going out tops. Some of the creations were pretty amazing though and I liked Angela’s take on it, by making a going out top fit for Anne Boleyn. She was known as a bit of a raver was old Anne, so it would have gone down well I think. (I made that up, I have no knowledge of Anne Boleyn’s party habits.) Marni’s creation was inspired though, who made her top using a hoodie and a pair of jogging bottoms for the sleeves and as everyone said, very ’80s! There’s something to be said for wearing a jumper as a going out top; at least you’d be warm when you’re waiting for your kebab.

The Made to Measure challenge this week saw the contestants make a wrap dress. This was the time for us to see if Mitch had had time to pop out to M&S to find a dress to submit, like Damien used to do last year, but alas, I don’t think he’d familiarised himself with the local area in time. The fabric he used was gorgeous and there were signs that it was going to be lovely, but alas, he made it short enough so we could see what the model had eaten for her breakfast. He pondered whether Patrick and Esme would notice whether he had made it too short, and when asked directly by Patrick whether it was meant to be that length, he answered with a resounding “Yes”! MITCH!!!!! You cannot lie to Patrick, it is verboden!!!

In the end, Debra won the Garment of the Week, which I suppose she deserved to with all that bloomin’ bias binding on that wrap dress, and Mitch was the one to go. I think his fate was sealed once the bare-faced lie to Patrick left his lips! Bit of a shame, because Mitch seemed quite a good character, but hey ho.

One thing’s for sure, there’s definitely oodles of talent amongst this bunch and I think we might be in for a close-run competition this year!

A special mention must go this week to the programme’s sound department and their use of literal music during the catwalk, a la “Homes Under the Hammer”! Kudos to the person who managed to dig up Louise’s 1997 classic of “Arms Around the World”, just so they could find a tenuous link to a wrap dress:

“Gonna wrap our loving arms
All around the world”

Well played, that man or woman, well played!

Next week, it’s the turn of Sportswear. Hmmm….I wonder if the Transformation Challenge will see them having to turn a going out top into a gym outfit?! 🤔Only time will tell!

Have a good ‘un,

Philippa

*Note to any contestants who may read this and be disturbed by my stalking tendencies: I’m harmless enough, so no restraining orders needed.